Seven weeks of Summer...

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.......

I have had one helluva roller-coaster ride in the past seven weeks, unexpected, surreal and bizarre things have happened to me all at once. Things that rarely happen to normal peeps, things you'd only want to happen to you every seven years... not all together in the span of seven weeks. See, there's this thing about me, there's an aura I give off attracting situations ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous... in fact that phrase "the sublime to the ridiculous" was coined when I was born.  The sublime/ridiculous Gods celebrated the day I bounced onto this planet and vowed to protect me until the day I die. It was some kind of bet, a wager, a private joke amongst the Gods of all things freakish, they would toy with me and place me in every kind of mind boggling, situational irony they could dream up whilst lounging on their clouds watching over the world.

OK,without further ado, I'll share some of the trickery has been played on me by those watching over me, the Gods who maketh all things bizarre.  Well, I'm starting my seven week time line at the day in which I backed out of my driveway and right into a neighbors car, that morning hadn't gone very well at all.  I was taking the dogs to be groomed and all of a sudden my reverse sensors went crazy... I looked into my rear view mirror and couldn't figure out the problem... then I checked my drivers side mirror and there it was.. a mini van embedded in the rear corner of my Jeep. WTF was that doing there?
Not a great deal of damage to the van.... yet considerable amount of shitola glaring at my from the corner of my not so long ago purchased Jeep. URGGHH.

Moving on, as if having a fender bender on the way to work wasn't enough, I was not in the building but ten minutes when I was advised of my "surplus to requirements" status. Double URGGHHHH. The details of this Double URGGGHHH really should remain privvy to only those involved... suffice to say it was up there with some of the worst days of my life, on so many levels.

So there I was driving around in a beat up Jeep and having no job, a particularly harrowing time to say the least, but I soon settled into it. After letting the baby sitter go, I assumed the position of hmfic.... yep, I was large and in charge, taking good care of my kids while I was seeking employment and nursing some emotional wounds.  An interesting period of my life which I'm sure I won't easily forget.

The seeking employment part was fine until I had an interview from hell... very, very, strange!! That's all I can say about it, other than I have no idea what my favorite color has to do with my ability to perform well at that particular job. It was not a design job, nor one where my favorite color would come into play as far as I could see, so I considered it for a nanosecond and decided it was not the one for me.

Then to add to the kerfuffle of getting the kids back to school and job hunting... I was also undergoing the rigorous process of becoming an American Citizen. The idea behind becoming a citizen was that all of my immediate family are US citizens and I'm never gonna go back to the UK so why not join them. It makes things a lot easier in the long run for us as a family. I have lived her for almost thirteen years (oh so that explains my luck lately!!) and I speak with a weird Southern drawly type English accent so what the hey.. I may as well get a blue passport right?

So, back to my daily bucket o' crap, after four days of school, my youngest decides to come down with an unexplained bout of vomiting... lovely... and so I'm entrenched in Lysol and laundry it's not even remotely funny.  Add to this an appointment with the Immigration office to be tested on my command of the (American) English language and the result is a severely stressed Mid Life Mama. But I strolled though it with the finesse of a graduate of the finest Swiss finishing school... not really... but that's what I'm telling myself. The fact that I was interviewed by a Vietnamese gentleman who could hardly speak the language himself was what finally sparked my realization that the bizarro Gods really have it in for me.... but they weren't even close to being finished with me.

On Tuesday of this week, I'm happily picking up the kids and indulging in some "me think" time when bam... someone rear ends me.... at rear end junction.... I have lived in fear of this junction for some years now and finally just when I'm enjoying the worst seven weeks of my life... it happens to me!!! I didn't even care!!! I'm so used to the shit hitting the fan by now, I was perfectly charming to the perp and continued on with my day.

All the while I'm waiting for my silver lining to be crocheted or at least in some way fashioned by my good friend Spud, clinging to the notion that these weeks of the crappest luck in history are about to end... and indeed they are. My immigration stuff is done, I was sworn in today at the Immigration office and received my certificate proving that I'm a naturalized citizen of the United States. I have had the insurance adjuster visit me in regard to fixing my beat up Jeep and I will be starting a new job at the end of the month.

So, my dear sweet readers, this is the new beginning I've been searching for. With the fender benders, job loss, immigration and sick kids all behind me...I plan on focusing on the future, learning from the past and living for the moment. I'm stronger than I ever knew and happier than I ever thought possible. Of course I can't take all the credit, I do have a very handsome right hand man who has been my absolute rock in all of this. Don't tell him I said so!!!!!! oh what the hell, lets throw him a party.. he deserves it!!!!!!