Somebody stop me.....

For those of you who don't know.... I am a complete and utter nightmare when it comes to health issues. I hate doctors, well I don't hate them I just don't trust or believe them. I am sure that they are highly over paid to just tell everyone that they have a virus, or to send them for more tests that never reach a conclusion or they "refer" them, or prescribe drugs and "lets see if this will work". So I rarely go unless I feel like I'm dying. I would rather diagnose myself and then prescribe myself something that I can buy over the counter, hence the nightmare begins. I have had several run ins with dosage that have ended in minor disasters. Not to be shared with the world (all four followers, why don't I have more by now?) on this blog but those of you personally involved with me probably already know the story of Steve buying Drano at three in the morning at Walmart. The guy asked if he had a hairball!! hahaha... no he had a wife with a self medication problem. There was another time that I took Benedryl in the morning for a seasonal allergies and I went to work and slept for two hours in the back office!!!! Nice job if you can get it.

So yesterday I was feeling that little tired, lazy, Friday kind of feeling and I think to heck with my healthy eating plan (I am still trying to lose weight!) I had breakfast AND lunch from a local BBQ place which is DELICIOUS!!! However, this chick has not eaten anything fried or greasy in a long time and my tummy decided that it didn't like all this junk I was gleefully stuffing into my mouth. Soggy home fries that are so awesome while you're eating them, it's just wrong to love those fries so much!!! Yummy breakfast in a cup, grits, eggs, cheese with bacon on top! Super pulled pork sandwich with the best spicy BBQ sauce ever... oh yeah this is fabulous cuisine.

So later in the afternoon I get that feeling that I dread, yukky, stodgy feeling like you just ate one of those little spongy animals that grows when you leave it in the sink for 72 hours. Those of you with kids know exactly what I am talking about, we have turtles, chicks and a star fish currently growing and shrinking in our house. Anyway, when I was playing the oboe in high school we had a thing called a pull through which was a string with a weight on one end and a cloth on the other, when we finished playing our instruments we'd clean out the spit with a pull through. Ever since those days I have thought it would be great if we could do that with our bodies... just swallow something and then pull it out the bottom and boom... you're clean inside and can move on. That was all before the days of colon cleansing and irrigation and that kind of thing. I digress. So last night I though to myself, after a couple of hours of feeling pretty uncomfortable, "I'll just grab some milk of Magnesia, can't harm anything". Well, yes it can Dr. McGillicutty.... yes it can. I took a huge dose right before bed, I was determined to beat this thing, and the bottle says "take preferably before bed". It also says it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 4 hours to work..... SO WHY DO THEY SAY TAKE IT BEFORE BED!!!!!!! Everyone sleeps for more than 30 - 240 minutes!!!

It's two thirty in the morning and Krakatau's decided to do it's thing in my stomach. Arrgghhh what in the heck is going on here. Instantly I regretted the decision to drink half a bottle of said milk of magnesia. It took a while but eventually I was able to get back into bed and go back to sleep, suffice to say I think I "pulled though" quite effectively. I was wondering if this would negate the weigh gain I had surely achieved earlier with all that crappy food. My only regret (well not my only one but a major one) is that I had big plans to explore with the girls today and take my camera along and take some prize winning pictures. I am afraid to step out of the front door folks, terrified of being caught on the hop so to speak.

So here's where I'm at.... do I a). take something to counteract the m.o.m. that I took last night???? again jumping into my nightmare with OTC drugs??? b). Do I eat some cheese, bananas and apple sauce like I would give the kids when they were a little runny??? or c). Do I arm myself with some Ooops I Crapped My Pants and get out there anyway???? or 4). maybe I can sit here at the computer all day and bloggidy blog, read everyone else's blogs, blog some more, check FB and be right next to the loo until these "consequences" pass????? pray for me.