I find it kinda weird being a mother, those who know me best won't be surprised by this, not one bit. When I was a kid it was all about me, the youngest and probably the most outspoken of four, I was going to rule the damn world when I grew up.
My first job was with the Civil Service in England and I was the youngest in the office, dealing with Jo Public in a benefits (welfare for you yanks) office and taking no shit from no one!!! I was pretty self assured in a really introvert kind of a way, I am actually pretty shy deep down... LOL...You, Ali, SHYYYY???????? yes I am, now shut the hell up and let me finish. After a move out of home and into my sister's place, my first time fending for myself, with the help of big sis, I entered the world of Life Insurance and once again found myself to be pretty good at what I did and being groomed for management. Another stab at world dominance. Well at least something more than the tea girl, right??? All of this time while I was establishing myself in the world of high finance and investments I was planning a childless future. One of long days at the office followed by long evenings in the pub, I wanted to be top dog and prove I could move up the corporate ladder with the best of them.
Then along came this gorgeous American who swept me off my feet and crossed oceans just to see me (he actually told me that once!) and I made the BIG move...not just one of geography but a move into a whole different way of life. MARRIAGE... scary. Sharing...scary. Accountability....scary (that one still causes problems cos I forget to check in with him every five minutes sometimes!). I had to learn that now I am two people and it's not all about me anymore.. well it still is... but he's around so I have to take note.
Soon we were a little family, four of us all together with Mama at the helm so to speak. It's taken a while, Syd is now eight but I'm getting used to this family thing. There are always a trillion things to think of, dates to remember, appointments to be kept, school stuff to organize blah, blah bloody blah. But, with the hubby as my crutch, I said crutch, not crotch!! I manage to get from day to day without too many mishaps. The occasional forgetting to feed, bathe or pick them up but pretty much it's smooth sailing.
So getting back to the point, this week the kids are gone... yes they're gone... with the grands... having fun... not thinking about poor Mommy missing them... not thinking about how damn quiet it is.. not thinking about how I really don't have to make dinner if I don't want to... or how I'm not juggling car rides, play dates, friends spending the night, library books, taking note of screen time. I am just me... and him... in this house...this quiet house with no mess to pick up. We are back to us, we had dinner out last night and were in no hurry to get back, we walked hand in hand. We laughed and talked and it was lovely. I don't wish I didn't have kids but my God we all need a break sometimes, time to be with spouse and just be ourselves. Quiet time, time where we can watch what we want on TV without worrying about language and content, time to enjoy Indian food without having the make another meal for the non Indian eating little people. And time for him to work on his computer and me on mine, we don't always have to talk, we're happy being quiet together too and that means a lot to be able to be in the same room without talking.
And so my point is this... life doesn't always take us where we think we're going. We don't always have to stay there either... if you have a life that mapped out, take a break, it doesn't have to be a long one... get back to YOU, breathe and live... then when you're all revived and rejuvenated get back on the roller coaster and see what's around the next turn....nothing ever stays the same.