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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Gah.... in which Daddy had no part...

So, interesting conversation was had in our household last night, one which will probably make me giggle for the rest of my life.... or at least until the memory of it fades and something else takes it's place. That's what happens with funny conversations, unless of course you blog about them, in which case they are preserved forever!  But even blogging about them sometimes doesn't do the whole essence of the interaction justice.... sometimes you just had to be there. This was one of those times.

I don't even really remember what sparked the conversation to be honest, but it was along the lines of my adorable seven yr old Ash praising me for something that I had done for her. It then progressed into what a fantastic person I must be because I actually 'made' her and gave birth to her... at that point she very pointedly told Daddy that he had nothing to do with it!!!!  Of course I just had to jump in and let her know that she was totally right... all he did was hang around the maternity ward and tell me to breathe and stuff (even though he really didn't even do that because both my kids were C-sections!). I was getting a  really big grin on my face now... it was so funny to encourage her in this direction when he was struggling to justify his part in the whole creation of little girls debate. His retort was to let her know that without him there would be no Ashley... or Sydney.... and that I hadn't in fact done it all on my own. He quite assertively let her know that women can't have babies without men.  Oh yeah?.. well she wasn't having any of it, not a bit, it's all just a Mom thing and the Daddy doesn't help at all. Of course I was taking her side and declared that women were having babies quite happily these days without the involvement of an actual man... so what exactly had he done???? He squirmed and ended the conversation the way he always does when backed into a corner... awkwardly... telling her "you just don't know!!" while we all laughed at him.

OK the conversation was pretty funny but the cutest, funniest part of it all was that the older sister who is now ten and feeling pretty worldly wise was listening in and very coy about the whole thing. She has this way of giggling and turning a little red when adult themes are discussed, she thinks she knows stuff and loves it when she might just know something that her little sister hasn't even dreamed of yet. So although she didn't totally join in and have her say, she was obviously on Daddy's side but didn't seem to want to commit for fear of having to explain exactly why. Her pretty eyes just sparkled and her cheeks glowed as she watched me make Daddy more uncomfortable and Ash became more sure that she was right about my super powers of making babies all on my own. Syd had that "in on the joke" kinda look about her and she was loving it.

Yes.. the talk is imminent... I did actually approach it once before and kinda shimmied around the subject;  I'm well aware that now Syd is in middle school I need to get my skates on before some snot nosed little brat fills her head with nonsense. I just don't relish the thought... it's only going to confirm my worst fears that she's growing up and needs to learn more about her parents than I'm willing to let her know... EVER!!! Eeeewwwww!!!!!! I know I'm making this more about me than it really is but I just can't help it, and I don't feel mature enough to discuss the monkey dance with my own offspring... it's just not right!!! I mean, I still have memories of those ridiculous "films" they made you watch way back when I was a pubescent pre-teen... you know the ones before pubic hair stylists existed and Brazil was still famous for football players and not runways.

So just gimmie a little longer and I will get to it, like Hubby will get around to finish painting the house (which is now approaching the fifth anniversary of the start date). I guess my true fear isn't really having the talk with Syd who obviously knows something already... but having the talk with Ash later on and shattering her little illusion when I tell her that he DID have something to do with it!!! Now.. she's the one who will leave me needing a large brandy!!!! Why oh why did I think that having kids would be a walk in the park???????

yes.... these are nuts!!


Ellie said...

That was a great conversation - poor daddy! Lol.
My three girls are now 16,20 and 22. So I've had this conversation 3 times now and it doesn't get any easier. Good luck - rather you than me.

Coffeypot said...

If it were me, I'd break out the old porn video and show her exactly what I had to do with it. I mean, paying for her therapy would be cheaper than support her and a baby she didn't know she was making...I know...just saying... It could happen. Just ask the Palen's.