Have you ever experienced that moment where time stands still and all the rush, rush, rushing around is frozen in a moment of Oh My Gawdness.???? I was hurriedly adding my purchases to the belt and the cashier (who is about what??16?) asks me if I have a lot of girls in the house... what?... "well yes" I said meaning there are three of us and one man. I'm also including all the girls friends who stop by 'cos of course she asking me this question because she sees all the boxes of Go Gurt and the Lucky Charms and Pop tarts... funny... she's really good if she figured out this was all little girl food. Please don't judge... these are the occasional snacks they get to have in between the grapes, baby carrots, bananas and organic raisins.
Anyhoo... then she starts on about all the emotions and the hormones rushing around at once and I realized she's actually decided to home in and make a comment about the tampons and pads in my cart!!! WTF?/? aren't they told in cashier training not to mention these particular items.... especially to an over 40 yr old who needs them RIGHT NOW and will likely strangle you with the chain holding the pen to the freakin' cash register!!!!!!! I was a little shocked... and embarrassed.
It didn't stop there ladies... oh no.... it went on and on... the cashier and the bagger.... discussing the different brands and how some were thin as paper now but still ultra absorbent... and then there was the problem of changing them in the Walmart restroom and how much noise they make. We were in Publix by the way, so why she even mentions Wally World I have no idea. Of course it was totally assuring to know that this girl was proud to tell me that she would rather have someone hear her rustle the fem prods in the bathroom than be a pregnant teenager "it's just not worth it" she told me. I nervously agreed and looked around to see who else in the store was listening to this rather loud and inappropriate convo.... the mayor.. the police cheif... anyone within earshot would no doubt realize the situation of my menstrual cycle ... unless of course they thought it might be all the girls in my household mentioned in the beginning of this nightmare. Oh no of course the Lucky Charms and kid food didn't tip them off that the girls in my house had not yet reached this golden age! Those ka-jillion boxes of femmie prods are all for ME BIOTCH!!!! and I'll kick your ass if you don't shut your damn teenage mouth!!!!!
I made it outta there without killing either one of them and although I was dying to shut them down with a cutting remark I just didn't have it in me... not at the top of my game shall we say. I drove home and dived right into the fat pants, opened a bottle of Red and enjoyed the curry that was lovingly prepared by dearest. I will now proceed to the ice cream and the cookies before retiring to bed!!!!