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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

In which there was no toilet paper....

So, here's another little anecdote from the annals of my parenting experiences... this one won't be soon forgotten.. but just in case I'm recording it for prosperity in this here blog.

I'm not completely sure when this happened to be honest, sometime not so long ago on one of our many excursions as a family unit.  We were having lunch at a restaurant and as is common when you're the mother of two girls you frequently have to visit the bathroom with one or both of them in tow. Will I ever again be able to tend to personal bodily functions without a posse? Anyway, on this particular visit it was Ash who came with me to the restroom, and there were two stalls so we each went into one. I was halfway through relieving myself when I noticed there was no paper in my bathroom... urgh... annoying.. more annoying that I didn't notice before I started because I ALWAYS check first. There's a sequence to my public bathroom visits that rarely varies, it's a tried and tested method of checkpoints; clean stall, check, no lurking doo doos, check, no drips on the seat, check, lock is in good working order, check, paper in good supply, check and somewhere to hang my purse so it's not on the floor, check. When my checklist is complete, and only then, I can proceed with my personal doings.

So back to the restaurant, I quietly called to Ash and asked if she had paper in there and she replied in the affirmative. I then requested that she get some and pass it under the stall to me as I didn't have any, there was a pause, I heard someone else come into the bathroom and as we were already occupying the only toilets in there,  this person had to wait.

Ashley still hadn't passed the paper, so I said "Ash.. pass Mommy some paper please!" a little angst in my voice as I was growing impatient. She replied "well Mama, did you do a number one or a number two?"...and there was a giggle from outside the stall.... "Ashley, just pass me some paper!!!" this time through gritted teeth in that I"m about to ground you kinda voice.  Ashley then proceeded "I need to know how much to give you; number one or number twoooo???" at this the person waiting didn't even try to hide it.. she was laughing so hard she was probably on the verge of peeing her own pants!!! So by now I was really ticked (but cracking up on the inside) and yelled "Number one now gimme the damn paper!!!" which a little hand appeared holding a wad of the sacred stuff.

All done, I tried to walk out of the stall with some dignity but it was too late, Ash came out giggling, the lady waiting was hysterical and I was rolling my eyes at them both. This one is going down in the book of things to tell future boyfriends..... bwwaaahahahahaha!!!


cate said...

ohhh! nothing like a child to help you laugh at yourself. as i say to my kids, "no biggie!"- though i'm sure that it was embarrassing. i think that growing up surrounded by 3 very scatological brothers has helped me in that realm. ; )

Little Ms Blogger said...

I have to tell you, sometimes the conversations between a mother and small child are priceless and make me laugh out loud. I know it's frustrating to the mother, but to the spectator, it's absolutely priceless!

I laughed hysterically in a grocery store when I witnessed the funniest interaction between a mother and her toddler daughter. The little girl was chasing something and the mother, incredibly patient, was trying her best to reason with a 2 year old. I was laughing and the mother explained how her daughter's invisible zebra got loose in the store and she was trying to capture the zebra.

EG Wow said...

OH! I LOVE the star glasses.

Your funny story made me laugh! :)

Ashley Sisk said...

That's hilarious! Sorry.

Daffy said...

Ahh yes...bathroom moments...I KNOW mine are soon to increase. We were somewhere public just recently where Lil Duck out of nowhere says, "Remember when you pooped at Nana's house mom? That really smelled"

Uh..............great..... there IS no recovery from that.