in which she does in fact lose her mind...

I realized yesterday that we have reached a milestone in our household. 

We have moved into another phase of our family life, we're totally done with the 

infant and toddler stage... the preschool stage is a recent memory but 

it is behind us all the same. 

We are about to embark on unknown territory, Syd has three weeks of fourth grade

left before she officially becomes a rising middleschooler. 

In three short, hot, fun-packed months we'll be dropping her off at the Middle 

School and she'll be in a totally new phase of her life. As will I (and of course Dad).

Ash will be heading into second grade, she's no longer reliant on me for the

little things like washing her hair (she still likes me to brush it), or dressing her in 

the mornings or even helping her to read a book. 

We took them out to eat yesterday lunchtime, it was quite a drive to the restaurant we had

chosen and they had books in the car. There was no whining, no drama, no screaming

or fisticuffs in the back seat. WTF??????

When we arrived at the restaurant we sat at the table and they busied

 themselves with the kids menu's and the crayons. 

His gorgeousness and I didn't have to help with the word search or games, there

were no outbursts of frustration or interruptions; we, the McK family had a 

lovely lunch in a restaurant and didn't have to suffer the "looks" from childless people 

surrounding us.  And then it hit me. 

They are not babies any more. We are a family of two adults and two children.

Not little kids but growing girls who can read and write, ride bikes, help 

themselves to snacks and drinks, help around the house and do the dishes or the 

laundry when I beg them to. They are intelligent and have, from what I can see, a good 

grasp of what's right and wrong and they know how to be kind to others. 

As I was processing all this I mentioned to his gorgeousness that the hard

part is over, then Ashley held up her kids menu and she had drawn a picture on the 

back of four people, two kids and two adults, at the top she wrote 

"I love my family"

And then I lost my mind. How could it be that we're doing so well raising 

these girls when it seems like we suck at everything else. Our lives seem in chaos most

of the time and I'm a grumpy old biotch!!! I forget appointments, I'm late with 

projects, I shout at the girls when I'm pissed (at myself) and I still haven't 

taken care of that damn root canal I was supposed to have three months ago.

Apparently none of that matters to them, so maybe I need to lighten up and let it go.

I'm not sure that I'm ready for this next phase of motherhood, I still don't feel like 

I mastered the baby stuff very well, but hey... it's behind me so I can let it go!!! 

I am so in love with those girls and so thankful for what we have as a 

family, and I have a lovely husband who stands by me when my mind is lost, what more

could a mid life mama ask for????

A day off maybe... well Mother's day is next week.. maybe they'll send me to a spa

to find my mind again... hint hint.