Apparently today I am Oscar....

Have you seen that ridiculous show on Disney.... Fishhooks??? Well apparently there's a character named Oscar and his thing is that he blogs when he's miserable!!! and today I'm miserable.... so I'm blogging... and then I'll spread the misery and feel better about myself, and you will all feel miserable for me and instead of making this they year of shiny positivity it will be the year of lackluster misery.... because it's just easier, isn't it.

It's five 'til twelve am. What's happened so far? I woke up to the sound of rain outside, that's not so bad but today is a holiday and I thought it may be a good time to go off wandering around South GA taking pictures with the girls in tow. Nix that idea, camera is broken anyway. Then I remembered my appointment to have my teeth cleaned at the dentist. Well it's not my favorite pastime but what the heck, let's go get it over with. Heavens to Betsy what in the name of all that is Good could this woman find rewarding about scraping my effin' skull and attacking me with ice picks until the room is covered in blood and guts??? She's supposed to be cleaning my teeth and giving me a winning smile, not performing an autopsy on my brain from the gum line up. She even made the comment "this is torture right?"  yeah it is and when we're done here I'm gonna slap you with a restraining order the size of Texas!!!!  The physical torture complete they move me out to the reception for more monkeying, this time in the form of mental aggravation over the filing of insurance and the fact that I need to get a root canal done before my next appointment. I just can't believe my luck on this shitty Monday morning in what was supposed to be a shiny, happy New Year! It's the seventeenth day, there are three hundred and forty eight to go... they better shape up into something better or this miserable bitch is gonna blow!!!

Moving on.... yesterday I managed to drop my camera, could this be the fundamental source of my doom and gloom today?  It was my fault completely although Syd was the one who actually did the dropping. I left it on the counter top and she opened the dishwasher and caught the strap thus hurling it onto the tile floor with some force, bouncing against the dishwasher on the way down. Fuck. I picked it up and checked it out, it seemed to be OK until a little later when we went out to try and do what was supposed to be a really cool picture, the auto-focus is SHOT!!! SHOT ya hear me!!! I have tried it with two lenses and it's not playing ball. I don't know enough to understand the technicalities of all this, the lens has the auto focus switch on it but it appears it must be the camera that's not working because it won't auto focus with the lens that was not dropped either. It will work on manual focus but who the hell wants to manually focus every time??? not me. I can't express how I feel right now, totally defeated and frustrated, that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm the kind of person who has to know how things work, I need to be in charge of the damn camera and be able to find the fix. I know I can't, but the control freak in me wants to, I want to discover that I've flipped a switch somewhere that's causing the problem and that if I can only find it I will have my precious Nikon back in working order and all will be well again. But will it? I'm in a funk about everything really. I'm just in a really horrible miserable place and can't seem to get off my ass and make it better. How does one do that?

Why does everything have to boil down to a choice? Impossible choices, the answers are obvious and yet the inner child wants to kick and scream and throw a tantrum. I don't want to use hard earned cash on dentistry I want to use it on a camera. I want to be in the position to pay for both. I can't stand that every time I feel like I may be ahead I go to the damn doc or the dentist and they suck me dry!!!! Stop it already!!!!!

And finally... as if all that's not enough, I came home ready to flop in the couch and feel completely sorry for myself; negative....one of the effin' dogs decided that throwing up on the cushion might be a good idea. Thanks for that man's best friend!!!!!!!

Post over. You'll find me in the fetus position on my bed, hopefully there's a marathon of Intervention or something cheery like that to keep my spirits up.