The solution to sore feet.....why expensive shoes of course!!!!!

So, if you’re me and you have a great Mother in Law then you can have conversations like the following….

Me: I am so fat and lazy I can’t stand myself. I need to eat less and move more, seriously I’m a moose.

M-I-L; I know… I’m gaining weight too and my feet hurt a lot lately, Mikey (my F-I-L) told me my feet hurt cos I’m fat.

Me: OMG no he didn’t, Hahahah I never thought about it but my feet hurt too… and no wonder carrying all that weight around.

M-I-L: I just buy more expensive shoes so they don’t hurt….

Me: ME TOO!!!!!!  I thought that was just my own little theory that $100 shoes don’t hurt as bad as bargain basement shoes…. You do it too??? How hilarious.

We both crack up!!!!!!

Busted, my theory is obviously crap, maybe if I lost a few pounds the shoes wouldn’t be straining under the sheer pressure of a moose walking around on them all day and I could spend less on shoes and more on … well…. Shoes!!! Hahahahahaaa. Imagine, I could get three pairs for the price of one pair of fatty arbuckles. I have to admit though the last pair of nice shoes I bought hurt my feet more than anything I have ever in my entire life worn and I have worn some hurtful shoes, believe me. I don’t know what to do because I wore them for an entire day at work and even threw my hip out because I was walking like a total gnarly witch all day, I can’t return them now… can I??? or can I??? have you ever returned shoes after wearing them, like, all day? Or should I just take them to the local cobbler and have him stretch them? Yes, we have a local cobbler in this quaint wee town, but he’s not called a cobbler ‘cos this is S. Georgia in the twenties, yo!

I do possess one pair of particularly delectable shoes which I can’t wear to work because they’re for night crawling… you know…. Out in the evening with your posse just cruising and chillin’ and lookin’ all cool and shit.  Or not, I am after all over forty and the mother of two girls with a couple of Shih Tzu’s that treat me like I’m a God. How can I be a chic fashionista cruising’ the bars with fantastic shoes on???? Truth is.. that’s just a fantasy left over from my youth and too many episodes of Real Housewives. The shoes I’m referring too are pretty incredible but I have only worn them once… urggghhh a complete waste of gorgeousness all huddled in the bottom of my closet waiting for that special occasion, that people who are not me, have every other week. The best thing about said beauties is that they make me into a 5’9” moose which is  way better than a 5’4” moose by anyone’s standards.

Anyhoodles, I am now contemplating the purchase of some more shoes for this season, they’re gonna have to be man enough to get me through the fall, the problem is it’s still freakin’ hot here. You can’t wear the kind of shoes that will get you thru the fall when temps are ranging from 45 to 85 degrees in one damn day. It’s just too hard. Which is why my solution is to have more than one pair about my person at any given time. I have resolved to keep a spare pair in the car, in my desk at work and in my oversized handbag. There…. All bases covered, thank you and good night!!!!